Being Enough

Disclaimer: This post may be a little on the depressing side. It is also quite the rant. Writing helps me get through things so you don't have to read this if you don't want to. I won't be offended.

Something I've always struggled with is trying to be a people pleaser. I just want everyone to be happy and like me. I do everything in my power to achieve that but I ALWAYS fail. I have never been able to do it. At least it seems that way in my mind.

I always think these horrible thoughts to myself that put me in such a terrible place, but I can't help it. I insist that I'm just not enough for anyone.

I think this stems from the fact that my parents have been divorced my entire life and I hardly ever saw my dad. I still never really do.

Every child just has this thing inside them that forces them to believe that something is their own fault. I never blamed myself for my parents divorce. How could I? But I always have blamed myself for the lack of relationship between my dad and I. I get to such a destructive state that I am insisting that I am just not good enough for him.

Then it spirals into this, "Well, you aren't really good enough for anyone..."
and that follows with all the reasons that I will just keep to myself right now... Sometimes I just need someone to tell me that just me, who I am, is enough. I don't need to be any better for anyone. What I do is plenty.

Last night I had such an eye opener. I have been struggling with this "being enough" concept so much over the last couple weeks and last night I had one of those light bulb moments. I realized that in order to be enough for anyone, I have to be enough for myself. I have to think more positively, because these people that I insist are thinking that I'm a horrible person, more than likely aren't thinking that at all. I have all these insecurities that are really just stupid. There isn't a reason to feel that I'm not good enough for anyone. I need to work on being good enough for myself. I'm still not sure if I need to work on my self esteem, or if there are really things that I need to put more effort into doing. It's probably a little of both.

So I made a decision. I decided what my key words will be this year:


Positive Thinking.


This year I need to think more positively about myself. This will make any goals of bettering myself come more easily and hopefully I won't resent all the people I blame for my own insecurities anymore. Because by feeling like I'm not enough for a particular person, I am putting my own problem on them. It isn't anyone's fault but my own.

End of Sad Rant.